May 27, 2000back from the bizarro world
I'm not really sure how to start this considering the fact that I already got a lot of it out of my system two days before the event itself. I guess the easiest way to do it is the way it finally played out, bluntly. I'm a single woman once again.
I guess this one of the first times I've found it really hard to actually relate something in here. I've spent the Memorial Day weekend mulling over every little minute action of my relationship with Joe intending to as least get some of the gist out here. But now that I'm actually sitting here trying to do it, I'm blocked. True, it's intensely personal but I was pretty much intending to relate how I dealt with all of the crap that's been going down the past three weeks or so.
What it comes down to is that after playing phone tag Joe formally broke it off on Thursday afternoon. It wasn't a surprise, in fact I had come up with a steadfast "ultimatum" of sorts whereby our partnership would be put on sort of a hold while he was in Europe, or that we should end it totally. But just how it was carried out exemplified all the hidden or not so hidden problems and differences between the two of us. I kept my cool, only hinting at my rage and indignation by saying, "You know, I could be really nasty right now," to which he responded, "Don't. You don't want to jeopardize our friendship." Excuse me!?
I promptly called my mother and wept and screamed for a good hour. I ran through all the usual stuff, how he deserves to die a horrible evil death; the whole 'how could I be so stupid to believe anything he ever said,'; and everything in between. After I hung up with her I knew I had to find something to watch that wouldn't qualify in any respect as "mushy" so once again my copy of 'The Hunt for Red October' came in handy. Who would've thought that five minutes of singing in Russian could calm me down so much. But by that point I had so exhausted myself I saw no alternative other than to surrender to slumber.
I awoke at 2.24 am from a dream featuring my dear "_______ Bastard" (old flame "Bastard" name to be filled in later) feeling...well...free. It was like suddenly time had rolled back pre-February 16, and I could care less about Joe B. In fact, I almost felt sorry for him being that petty, pathetic and immature. I also realized that when you crush on someone for an extended period of time, you start to build up a version in your head of what they're like...but when you actually find yourself in a relationship with them...the two versions don't necessarily coincide.
So I was determined to show him up at work that morning. I came flying in to the office to deposit my cran-grape juice in the fridge and to let my mother know that I was alright. Turns out those lovely Fates had my mother getting maps in the ESA Lab where Joe works so I blazed right in, ignored him totally and laughingly got my message across to my mother and Joe. Mom told me later that when she greeted him that morning he had "guilty eyes" and pretty much was trying to get out of her sight asap. That just gives me a lovely sense of superior satisfaction.
more introspection to follow
