"...coughin up spores,
cats and dogs livin together..."
March 1, 2000
cats and dogs livin together..."March 1, 2000
Here's a warning up front, expect no coherent theme to run through this entry. It just ain't gonna happen. What you'll get instead is a buncha little stories that may have no comedic value to anyone aside from myself. Feel the love.[...]
First off, in honour of Leap Year, a snarky little response from Fi to a segment on NPR:
Mega Nerd reports that they're doing pretty well keeping up mathematically with the Leap Year problem for the next several hundred years, though the year 5000 will create a problem, an extra day they haven't figured out how to compensate for as of yet. Mega Nerd went on to say that basically that fell into the realm of "Someone Else's Problem".
My response was, "Sure, just tack a Post-It up somewhere. 'Dear Year 5000 Schmuck, Happy New Year!"
[...]
My dreams are exceedingly strange, often resulting in me waking up laughing. This one was right up there.
I've been watching a lot of Roughneck: Starship Troopers lately, as well as Battlestar Galactica. So this morning I have this dream where I'm a trooper [and I fit in quite nicely, thank you] and the war has taken a lull, and my squad has just lost a trooper so we're all bummed out. If anyone has watched Roughnecks I'm sure this scenario sounds familiar. Anyway, someone from HQ comes on to tell us that a division has come back with news that they've found Earth after it's been lost for centuries, and we're all going be given leave to go down there. That's where the Galactica comes in.
We go down in these bubbles since the atmosphere isn't breathable anymore and we're all bopping around in a burned out NYC [though it does have this nice Blade Runner look to it] but after awhile the scene shifts to some kind of Publix or supermarket. My squad and a few others are all sitting around, helmets off and no bubbles since the air is breathable in here. We're all still morose about the wounded guy, and I'm going off on somebody when Tom comes out of nowhere and starts in on this pep speech, the one memorable line being, "Maybe the atmosphere outside isn't breathable, but electricity is our bitch!"
[...]
We've been watching all these Joseph Campbell vids in Mythology. He was an old fart, but he was the pre-eminent old fart in myth study. The vids we're watching were recorded as interviews with Bill Moyers back in the mid eighties, right before the old fart kicked the bucket. As the class was leaving last Friday we were commenting on Campbell and I said that he reminds me of some sort of Teletubbie, like I should be seeing him on Sesame Street or singing songs with Barney. Scott responds with, "Oh, I bet you're attracted to him..." I turned back and laughed, "Sorry, but I've got better taste," while looking straight at him. Hee. Anyway, after watching a bit of the vid Damerville has to come back with his own little lecture. Today's ended with, "Are you going to have pain in your life?" Of course I can't respond quietly, Hell yeah!" Of course Scott throws me his requisite grin. Ah, sometimes it's good to be loud and slightly obnoxious.
[...]
My office is a strange place, infinitely strange is a better description. My mother's new office arrangement makes it like a workplace extension of my room at home, The Batcave, with virtually the only light coming from the computer [or in my case the teevee]. My boss refers to one of the guys as the one with the cute ass, not to his face, only to me. I store lollipops in my desk drawer and two of my adult co-workers regularly fire suction darts at one another and have mini-wars with an over inflated whoopee cushion.
But today was a cornucopia of weirdness:
I past my mother in the hall where she was explaining to Kiz that she had been stealing animal crackers out of Chinese George's desk. The next thing I see is my mother, Kiz, and Barbara and someone else tromping down the hall to raid the stash of animal crackers.
My second level boss was going on about attack pigs after arguing with Joan whether or not chickens could be considered pets or not. Apparently there was a problem in the distinction if a person could get the chicken on a leash or not. The attack pig thing had me in stitches though, in actuality it turned out to be a boar but just picture this giant pig charging the door when an attacker enters. I don't know, it had me snickering for a good five minutes anyway. The same boss has also come to me asking if there's anything else that can be considered a pet or a business in terms of animals. We've already got goats, sheep, cows, horses, pigs and chickens among others. I kept telling him not to forget ferrets.
And the other day we got a fax from some guy giving a Naples, FL address requesting that we give him information on how to change the address on his Federal concealed weapons permit. We have absolutely no jurisdiction in this area but it did bring up an interesting point, apparently we do regulate alcohol and tobacco, all manner of mobile homes and animals, just not firearms...yet.
